Why The Hell Are You Here Teacher!? Collection (Cert 18)

1 Disc Blu-ray (Distributor: MVM) Running time: 163 minutes approx.

It is a universal truth that when kids leave school at the end of the day, the last thing they want to see is their teacher. At least in worlds that exist outside of anime, where kids and teachers seem to fraternise in and out of school with nary an issue. Just not like this…

Four high schoolboys can’t seem to shake their slightly older female – and highly sexed – schoolteachers once the bell rings and the time is their own. Discovering their teachers in the same locations as them – hence the title – these chance meetings end up with the most unlikeliest and embarrassing situations unfolding, yet it somehow leads to love between them. No, really.

Rarely have I come across an anime that not only defies belief that it was ever made in the first place, but also seems to wilfully attempt to put off the audience from watching in the very first scene. I give you Why The Hell Are You Here Teacher!? or as it should be called Who The Hell Would Want To Watch This? Actually, I have an idea who – anyone who likes hentai but is too embarrassed to buy it, since this is as close as it gets for a mainstream anime.

Based on a manga by the mononymous and presumably pseudonymous Soborou, this series has somehow ran for 11 volumes since beginning in 2017 but has been on hiatus since 2020 as the author’s health has taken a turn for the worse. I don’t know what that the health issue is, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he went blind from drawing so much explicit ecchi material. Serves him right too.

There is really no avoiding the fact the main selling point for this series is the borderline pornographic wish fulfilment of a sexy teacher and a male student, complete with lurid scenarios in which gratuitous and exploitative female nudity is guaranteed. This Blu-ray release is completely uncensored meaning it will sell to a rabid and horny audience who may have only seen the censored TV version, although they should have been deterred by the god awful scripting.

So, the premise is this – Ichiro Sato is a 17 year-old boy who ends up in a compromising situation with 23 year-old teacher Kana Kojima, the Demon Teacher, so called for her fiery demeanour. Sato comes from the same home town as Ichiro’s mother and is being pressured to get married, so she decides Ichiro should be the lucky guy – after his own mother makes the suggestion!

Next, diminutive 24 year-old Mayu Matsukaze the timid art teacher falls for Ichiro’s old-fashioned friend Rin Suzuki, a tall lad with a serious face but is really a chivalrous softy. Pushing the envelope is the relationship between 15 year-old Takashi Takahashi and his 22 year-old sports teacher, Hikari Hazakura who actually grew up with Takashi. Finally, ice cold nurse Chizuru Tachibana ends up seducing Ko Tanaka, the only boy actually desperate for a girlfriend.

Usually when the shotacon trope comes into play in anime, we roll our eyes and let it pass because it is anime but in this instance, no such concession can be made, especially with the Takashi-Hikari pairing. They may have a personal history growing up together, but as his teacher Hikari should know better (emphasis on “should”) but is presented here as a lustful predator and by right shouldn’t be anywhere near school kids!

Adhering to a tried and tested formula, each boy is hesitant to get close to their teacher but circumstance throws them together, and the result is the teacher loses her clothing because reasons, and the boy ends up face first in either their voluminous breasts or between their legs. I don’t quite understand the mechanics of love but this somehow endears the boys to the teachers and romance inexplicably blossoms.

Just to spare my own sanity, I won’t detail the sort of tawdry and highly improbable shenanigans on show here, but they are ludicrous even by anime standards. Returning to the earlier opening scene, things may have peaked with the discomfort level despite it being the least graphic moment in the show, but the fact it is set inside a toilet cubicle with both Ichiro and Kana unable to “hold it in”, a pretty low bar has been set.

Honestly, this isn’t even me being an old prude or moral curmudgeon, this show is quite possibly one the tackiest, lowest common denominator, pseudo-hentai dreck I’ve had the misfortune to witness. Fortunately, each episode is only 12 minutes (and still feels long) containing two mini skits, and no actual sex acts take place (unless you count nipple sucking), just female humiliation and objectification.

One tragic irony about this release is that it has an 18 certificate yet the only people this will mostly appeal to are horny 13 year olds! Okay, maybe some older, less discerning otaku might get a kick out of this too, and I suppose we shouldn’t judge them but when live action alternative is a click away on the internet, it is hard to see what purpose this serves for anyone – unless being only into 2D girls is actually a thing?

Considering how much time and effort goes into making an anime series – from scripting and storyboarding to animating and voice recording (this even has an English dub!), it feels criminal this amount of effort has gone into something so objectionably shallow and low brow. I will say some of the artwork is good – too good for something like this – but sex only sells with high quality imagery otherwise there is no point, and the Japanese voice cast are committed but that still can’t save this from derision.

Whilst I try to be objective about an anime, I am afraid Why The Hell Are You Here Teacher!? is the exception. Why The Hell It Was Ever Made? is a better question.

 

Extras:

Japanese Language 2.0

English Language 2.0

English Subtitles

Clean Opening Animations

Clean Closing Animations

Disc Credits

Trailers

 

Rating – * ½ 

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